Oh man. Shit. Wait. What? Okay, gathering my thoughts. Okay. Yeah. Wait. Hold on. I just read this and I could not agree more with his/her take on the ex-girlfriend situation; a bunch of inflated melodrama. But! I still think the author of Violent Acres is a big ol' pussy who doesn't dare take responsibility for the shit "she" dishes out on the internet.

Dear VA:
Come on Big Tough Girl! Own up to your words, my friend. The only reason you have the balls to be such a raging bitch and take on Dooce and the Mommy Bloggers is because you're anonymous. Own up to it. You (and Heaven Nose) are hiding behind your anonymity. The End.

According to your blog, you are a no-nonsense, I have-my-shit-together bona fide tough girl. You don't care what we think of you, right? So why the anonymity? It's easy not to give a shit what we think when we don't know who you are. Be accountable for the shit-eating pics of Dooce's baby you sent out into the universe. Who does that? Makes fun of babies? Takes the time to photoshop awful things into a photo of an innocent little baby? And then turns around and claims it's in the baby's best interest and you did it all for the children's benefit. Dooce's biggest mistake? I guess it's paying her daughter's health benefit premium while staying at home with her family 24/7. Well done, VA, making fun of the baby! Furthermore, who does that and makes fun of a coupla silly girls involved in drama over a smashingly sexy man (oh my God, The Girl Who is such a snotty bitch! She thinks her own husband is sexy!) Violent Acres, you should be SO proud. Lobbing grenades at everyone else innocently blogging their smarmy feelings on the internet while you retain your anonymity...

If you're such the Bad-Ass-Money-Making-Together-Gal you present yourself to be; own up to it! Why are you hiding behind anonymity? It's pretty fucking easy to throw giant rocks at me, Dooce and the Mommy Bloggers crew and anyone else who chooses to blog on the internet under their own names! But you... you're cold as ice, right? Until we know who you are.... Until we know that you're brother is an alcoholic and you had a miscarriage or an abortion and your Dad died when you were five... Until we know your husband's name (and the names of his kids.... I am sure Sweetney is DYING to photoshop pics of your step-kids) and can start talking shit about your marriage and career. It's easy not to give a fuck when nobody knows who you are. Come on... walk the walk... who are you? Post some photos, let Heaven Nose photoshop them and poke fun at your teenaged abortion and your Mom that killed herself or whatever it is that might upset you. Let us all speculate on how much your husband cheats on you. Why don't you really step into the blogging club instead of hiding on your anonymous hill and acting superior?

Listen, y'all. This blog ain't a book, my career or a popularity contest. It's a blog. It aint' an attempt to appear cosmopolitan and all "New York". I'm not presenting an image like some folks who shall remain nameless. For better or worse, this is me. This is me on any given day of the week. Sometimes I feel strong. Sometimes I'm a weak, whiney bitch. Just like you. There is no pretense here. Like it, stick around and commiserate or go read one of the other millions of blogs out there. I could give a fuck. Or become an armchair psychologist or anonymously email me with your opinion about my latest drama. Whatever. (By the way, VA thanks for sending Lola more readers than she's ever had and sparking the whole sorry saga all over again) Only tells me you got a lotta spare time on yer hands and have spent the past few months slobbering all over the girly-drama like a 16-year-old watching an episode of The Real World.

Hey! What's up.. H-Y-P-0-C-R-I-T-E?

Yeah. So. I let my husband's ex-girlfriend's overly-dramatic-much-ado-about-nothing blog about me fuck with my head a bit. Initially it was pretty funny, I tried to laugh it off. She was yapping about me looking at her public MySpace page for Chrissakes! I don't care who reads my blog or looks at my MySpace page. In fact, I thought that's what folks are supposed to do! And then I let her melodrama afffect me and reacted. It angered me when she accused me of things I didn't do, when she accused my husband of cheating on me and then linked to everyone that knows his band or my blog. When she was obviously trying so hard to embarrass us and fuck with his career I reacted. Why did it upset me? I guess because I was a little embarrassed about posting on her website once. And someone was talking shit about my husband and aiming it at his fans. I'm madly in love with the dude and wanted to defend him. Us. And I was annoyed to still be somehow involved with his Goddamn ex-girlfriend's self-created drama. She's done her internet routine with me before and she'll do it again. This time I felt like she went way overboard and I was human and stupid enough to let her silly drama momentarily infect me.

So... You with the anonymity, analyzing me... Do you think you're pulling one over on us all? Do you think we don't get how desperate for attention you are? Listen, just go ahead and classify yourself with the rest of us fucktard bloggers. Desperately Seeking Attention. Your internet stunts of bad assery are no different than our melodramatic blogs of existentialism. And you know it. If 'Human Nature Makes People Assholes' then you're a rosy, winking asshole who can only dish it out whilst anonymous. If you want to prove me wrong then post one of your photoshopped pics of the Mommy Bloggers babies under your real name. WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR OPINION? ESPECIALLY IF IT'S GOING TO HURT SOMEONE'S FEELINGS?

But it ain't gonna happen, is it? I thought so. What's likely to happen? Your usual well-crafted, witty, slightly long-winded blog about how much better and smarter than all of us you are.. Y-A-W-N... I've got US Weekly, Vogue and Oprah for that.. You've got to try harder...